I wish I could teleport
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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