I am full of burrito and curiosity
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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