omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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