I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
