So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
