Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
