if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
