last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
