You're my little dorito
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
