Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
