I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
