I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
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