I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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