I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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