I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize