She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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