First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
