this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
