dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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