I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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