everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
