I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
