I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize