I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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