your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
