Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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