It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
