He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and she was petting her beer can
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
