I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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