Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
