Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
