I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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