2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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