Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
