Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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