she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
