so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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