How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
