I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
