I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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