You don't have asthma, your pregnant
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Couch. On fire.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
