her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
