help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
