I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
