Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
