tell your sister to shave her snatch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
