I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
