I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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