i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
