He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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