Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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