my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
did i just pee glitter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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