3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
