omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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