and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
