I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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