If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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