Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
