I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
