Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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