He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
