So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
