What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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