I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
