did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
