Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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