your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
