Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bring me that man meat
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
