capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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